I present, another textual exchange, following the movie. P ratings are dramatically down at this week’s close.
P: Just told A how I knew you. Well not EXACTLY where we met! he thought you were very nice 🙂
me: Yeah? That’d be pretty ballsy. He seems like a cool guy. thanks for the movie, I had fun 🙂
P: He’s my best friend. Even though that makes me sound like a five year old.
me: (no reply)
It took me a bit to work out what to write. I wanted to say, “Well how do we know each other?” but that would be too overt. And it’d be too reminiscent of a high maintenance girl, something we want to most definitely avoid.
I am still angry and annoyed. Don’t call me princess. I’m not your princess. I’m not yours. After all, if you’ve only ever said, “We’re friends,” and occasionally “friends with benefits,” what am I to think?* I crushed tiny little hopes that you liked me at the start and dutifully stomped them down again months into it. I started Pristiq because I was that upset.
You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not notice I was angry with you. I barely looked at you or said anything before the movie. I’m not going to refuse to enjoy the movie. Guns, explosions, action, suspense with a central British spy, I’m there. But I’m still unhappy.
It’s been more than a year since you first met me. Despite my emphatic suppression of feelings, I’ve come to really like you and think you like me. You have this implacable and unflappable demeanour which is great for keeping me calm, but it frustrates me when I want a response that isn’t so understanding, that has some more emotion to it.
If this is the first time I’m meeting one of your friends, I want them to like me. I want them to think I’m mature, not some dalliance. Telling me I can’t hold your hand and to harden up feels like a rejection of my affection for you. And calling me princess is along the same wavelength as when girls call me cute, it’s emasculating and demeaning. That’s probably why I’m still angry at you.
I want you to tell me you’re sorry. I want your cuddles and kisses. Show me that you care, that you’re not embarrassed of me.
Maybe I’ll start taking Pristiq regularly again.
*I wonder if this is what Emma Watson was referring to in her interview with Ellen Degeneres, on dating English vs. American guys:
Usually in the whole courting situation, I’m used to being, first of all, ignored for the first two months of the ritual. And then maybe they’ll acknowledge my presence, and then they’ll probably be a little mean to me.. and then maybe we’ll .. you know, whatever. Then I arrive in America, and I remember a few nights into Brown [University], this guy just being like, “I like you. You’re great. Let’s go on a date. Let’s do it.” I’m like, “I’m sorry, what just happened?”