Travel Lucky

Ok, blurb first. I don’t believe in coincidences. Things happen for a reason. (cliché, I know. whatever.) I want to believe in luck, but experience with lotto tickets says no. Even so, I will use the word lucky and its synonyms because to write blessed or privileged here makes me sounds like a pretentious twit. Preamble over, let’s go ahead.

I’m travelling and recognise that I’ve been very lucky to be on such a nice trip. I recognise that not everyone can afford the time or money to travel. I toured Beijing for a week with my parents, then Malaysia for an old workmate’s wedding, and then Singapore for fun. Now I’m home in North America for two weeks and Christmas.

But not only that, I’ve been surprisingly lucky in terms of timing. Since Cathay Pacific is based in Hong Kong, I’ve been there 4 times just flying home.

  1. Flight from Beijing to Hong Kong. The parents were scheduled to fly at 10am. I was scheduled to fly out at 630pm, but on standby for an earlier flight at 12pm. By original flight plans, I would have arrived in HK at 10pm and would be flying out the next morning for Singapore at 8am = barely any sleep. Beijing being what it is, rush hour starts at 630am. That meant 515am wake up, leaving the hotel at 6am and aiming to arrive by 8am. We arrived at 715am. Mum offered to take my luggage so I wouldn’t be so burdened. At the counter, Mum asked about earlier flights. The woman said, “I can fit all 3 of you for the 8am flight.” but because the luggage would never make it on time, Mum suggested I take it by myself. I ran for security, jumped 8 people in the queue after explaining, got through an individual scanning and ran for the gate. I made it and was so chuffed. Sweaty and moist, but chuffed.
  2. Shuttle from Hong Kong International Airport (HKIA). I’d missed it before, and it only leaves hourly at 45 minutes past the hour. This time, in line at immigration, I noticed it was 11:39am. There was no hope of jumping the queue here. But cheers to Asian efficiency, I made it out in 4 minutes with 5 people ahead of me. I trotted quickly to the bus bay, and saw that it was there! I ran for it and made it on the bus. It was 11:47am. And they’re usually quite punctual with arrival/departure times. I made it to the hotel, got a room upgrade (sweet as!), had a shower, connected to the wifi and felt so much better. By the time I had a leisurely sushi lunch, I was literally walking in the door with Mum and Dad.
  3. Shuttle from Singapore to Malaysia. Based on original projections, I would miss the bus with the other wedding guests, so there were other normal busses available for the ride across the border. I arrived at Singapore and after a bit of figuring things out, walked to the bus bay. According to the online schedule, the bus wasn’t due to arrive for another 45 minutes. A man walked towards me and said, “Where are you going?” I named my destination and he said urgently, “Come! Come! That’s the bus pulling away!” I thought, “Yeah right, as if you can make the bus stop.” and rolled my eyes internally. But he did manage to get it to stop, and I got on. Later, the groom said I was lucky to get the bus since it’s can be difficult to catch, he’s never gotten it.

I do feel very lucky and like someone’s watching out for me. I don’t mind travel. I don’t get anxious over flying. I hate everyone else’s response, especially crying babies on flights. But without catching these forms of transport when I did, it would’ve been a very bad trip, for which I am thankful.

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Sweet Somethings

There are certain instances when we let our guard down, even the most guarded of us. P came back from his trip in HK on Thursday night. We had Korean for lunch the next day. Then we went back to his place, and after some sleepy cuddling, I suggested we take a nap.

It was a good nap, surprisingly. Normally we sleep back to back on our sides. Your body naturally resists another body trapping and cutting off blood circulation in your arm. And most of us aren’t accustomed to hot breath regularly being blown across our neck/cheeks whilst trying to sleep. But somehow, despite being physically close (I did get hot and kicked back the covers on my side), we both slept.

When we woke up, while we were still drowsy, I murmured, “If you moved back to the UK, would you want me to come with you?” P replied affirmatively, saying he’d want me with him. P then gave reassurances that he wasn’t planning on moving back anytime soon. (Damn.)

I would say with reasonable confidence that I then proceeded to give a mind-blowing blowjob. Considering that he reported that he saw stars, and couldn’t quite recall le petit mort afterwards. Afterwards, he rhetorically asked, “What did I do to deserve you?” and kissed me on the cheek. Awww 🙂

Yes I’m smirking. Like that cat who got the cream. Because I did. Apologies for the lack of class and subtlety.

Drama: The Persistent Weed Pt 2

This is a continuation of my last post.

I stopped writing last night because I have a race next weekend. This morning’s run was fantastic, and the endorphin rush and energy lasted me till 5pm. I’ve been so reticent about running in the morning in winter because the sun won’t have risen yet, and it’s usually windy/rainy/crappy. However, with the big race so close, I got up and ran a new personal best, which I’m quite happy about. 10.5km in 57 minutes = 5:25 min/km!!

The view at the end of a new PB run :D

The view at the end of a new PB run 😀

Anyway, my life is currently overrun with drama. Let’s talk about uni, which has once again become a large part of my life.

Teaching hospitals are hotbeds of politicking and drama.

1. My year is the first cohort of post-graduate students for this course. They gave us fanciful labels, like “pioneers” and “scouts.” Oh please, you mean “guinea pigs.”

I wish I’d gotten a photo of what MF from my study group wrote on the whiteboard one session:

Welcome to Journal Club. In your first year of uni, can you say that you’ve killed/sued/brought on a nervous breakdown on your professors?

Or something like that.

2. They have tried to treat us like the usual 17-18 year old undergraduates, who are basically children. When Nurse G tried to reprimand us, we immediately gave feedback to our class representatives, who got the staff to speak to her and say, “You can’t do that.” She got the message.

3. They are trying to dictate new clinic coat standards. P has told me there is no evidence for cross infection control, or research on the incidence of proven patient/patient transfer in our setting. But they remain adamant that we must meet their new requirements, despite the fact that students for the past 10 years have had short clinic coats, and neither they nor their patients are on anti-retrovirals. Fucking saliva splatter studies.

4. The replacement for the course coordinator who had a breakdown is a real piece of work. Why?

  • I can understand that you want our undivided attention, but it’s unbelievably disrespectful to snap your fingers at us. Our cohort has students of a comparable age, qualifications, and life experience. Your attempt to avoid conflict by a dictatorial attitude is not appreciated.
  • We will be your future colleagues. Who the hell do you think you are to tell us to lower our screens because we don’t need to take notes?
  • I don’t want to hear your life story, about how you went to the best university in America, and “dated your professor on the quiet” and got married. I don’t care that your son has final high school exams, or about your “amazing” daughter who’s never dealt with death before, but has taken on all the cooking for her friend’s mother’s funeral. Shut up. If you absolutely must, finish your lecture on the history of the topic, and then talk through actual important, clinically relevant topics, you twit! Jesus fucking Christ.

5. I’m not encouraged to excel with my practical work. Last week, I was ahead of everyone else for one activity, standing around, waiting for 45 minutes to get something checked in 30 seconds so I could proceed to the next step. The tutor asked me why I was rushing and the coordinator told me to hide my frustration.

But you know what? I get it. This is the way things are. I just need to keep my head down, use my time more effectively instead of standing around, get through, and then leave this crap drama behind. Water off a duck’s back. It’s not worth the emotional energy. I have more important things to worry about. Like study.

Today, I was ahead again. We were allocated 6 hours for our practical work. I finished in 3 and a bit. People started asking me to critique their work, so I did it a bit. And then more and more people asked. I felt like such a twat. I mean, I learned it at the same time as you and I’m ahead, but I’m not more experienced or anything. And here I am, playing tutor. Oh well, they asked for my feedback. It was better than twiddling my thumbs.

I have seriously considered transferring back home for the course. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes time.

There may be a part 3, on my clinic partner, and a small group of girls who have distinguished themselves in our cohort as bitches.

Drama: the Persistent Weed in my Life

In high school, drama is a staple. It fuels the gossip. Back when I was in high school, it was disseminated through phone calls, MSN messenger, (the then relatively new) Facebook, and if you were rich enough, BBMing. It was thrilling and exciting to find out who had done what, and giggle over a tagged photo of someone doing something stupid. But that was me in high school, a mortifyingly socially awkward individual. Since then, I have eschewed all forms of drama.

Just ignore it, don’t get involved.

That was my motto once I entered moved overseas for university. I specifically didn’t hang out with certain groups of people to avoid it. And yet, like fucking weeds in the garden, they have sprung back to life.

Drama starts off as small shoots, and if you ignore the hydrating drizzle of overheard comments, snippets of interaction.. before you know it, those fuckers of weeds are back in your life, sucking the nutritious emotional energy out of your garden that is your life. … that might have been a protracted analogy.

tl;dr = drama is a drain on my life, and it’s back with a vengeance.

And just what areas of my life are experiencing severe drama overgrowth right now?

M has found a new love interest. When I went home for my sister’s wedding, M and I went to NYC for two days and a night. He told me it would be cheaper to share a bed. I said it didn’t matter to me, but asked if it would be a problem for him. M said no. That night, we got into bed. I accept my fault in permitting inappropriate cuddling, instead of doing the awkward and appropriate distance between us on the bed with the sheets fastidiously tucked in. Then we turned the lights off. I was small spoon and could feel his heart beating faster and harder. I could also feel the specific absence of pelvic-to-rear contact, and we know exactly what that means. It was 1am and we were to get up at 5:30-6am ish, and by that point I was simultaneously annoyed, tired and curious. So I sighed, reached down, grasped it and said, “Do you want me to take care of that?” I will confess that I cheated on P and went down on that redhead. I wouldn’t have minded going for a ride, but when M said, “That’s the first time I’ve ever been kissed,” that I drew back and hesitated.

The next morning, I knew I shouldn’t have done it. We came back home, and later that week, we talked about it. I didn’t tell M about P. I gave practical reasons like not wanting to limit either of us from future relationships while we were on opposite sides of the world. Then I pecked him on the lips when I left. Ohhh so smart. not.

I used to get incessant texts. Now? Now I get nothing. I didn’t think much of the textual silence, until I saw some instagram photos of a Philadelphia trip M went on with “a friend”, who happens to be share my ethnicity, which I know M prefers.

I’m not stupid. I think there’s some sort of mutual interest there because:

  • Normal “friends” don’t make faces at each other with their tongues out as if to lick each other.
  • One of M’s texts: “I have been really busy w [a friend].”
  • Delayed replies by 1-2 days vs. previously near-instantaneous replies
  • Brief Twitter research (read: stalking, OR using my resources)

I initiated a text exchange to try and hear about his Philadelphia trip. I’ve gotten nothing but roadblocks back.

It feels like an undercurrent of, “Hey, you didn’t return my affections, I’m going to play mind games and you can see just what you’re missing. Chase me.” Whatever.

No, not whatever. I do care. I like the attention. Even though it was annoying, it was nice to have that interest, even if I was emotionally unavailable. I don’t want some bitch getting claws into my former crush-er. I probably don’t deserve to have a say in that since M is his own individual, and what I did is morally reprehensible. But I still feel that way.

Oh well, time for bed, I have my first proper race next weekend. Must rest up and train tomorrow morning.

Also, my actual garden is overrun with weeds. I should do some weeding this weekend.

Shopping Together

I have a study group. It’s been helpful. We had a schedule and we went through lecture material, came up with practice questions, shared cake… it’s been good. I imagine it to be like my very own version of Community. Without it, I would have been struggling a lot more because of my own laziness. In one of those lulls, the topic of shopping with partners came up. Nicole said that her husband liked going along and giving advice. I thought and said something to the effect of, “Bullshit.” Personally, I hate going shopping with anyone else. Much like sport, unless I’m personally involved, my feet start to hurt, the bags get heavy, I get bored and I don’t have that much money to spend.

On Friday, after my third exam (head and neck anatomy), I went to see Thoroughly Modern Millie, then slept over at P’s. After breakfast, we went shopping. It was actually a painless process, probably because:

1. There’s a couple of stores we both liked.

2. I didn’t ask for feedback on every single thing I picked and tried on.

I did buy some shorts and on the way home, P said, “I meant to tell you, your ass looked very bootylicious in those shorts.” First off, hahahaha!!!! Who talks like that?! Second, it did make me inordinately happy. I waited till I was home alone to dance around gleefully. So I guess Nicole isn’t wrong, you can go shopping together. I just don’t think it would work her way. I guess they’re the exception to the rule.

To any person dragged along on a shopping trip, be it sister, brother, father, mother, child, aunt, cousin, friend, partner, whatEVER by someone who does want to know if their ass looks fat in this, I condole you. Get a drink and find a chair. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

Motivational Quotes to Get Through

100 Inspirational Quotes, directly from Forbes.com

  1. Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. –Napoleon Hill
  2. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. –Steve Jobs
  3. Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein
  4. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.  –Robert Frost
  5. If you can dream it, you can do it. –Walt Disney
  6. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. –Wayne Gretzky
  7. I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. –Michael Jordan
  8. Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. –Babe Ruth
  9. Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. –W. Clement Stone
  10. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. –John Lennon
  11. We become what we think about. –Earl Nightingale
  12. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore, Dream, Discover. –Mark Twain
  13. Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. –John Maxwell
  14. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. –Tony Robbins
  15. The mind is everything. What you think you become.  –Buddha
  16. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb
  17. An unexamined life is not worth living. –Socrates
  18. Eighty percent of success is showing up. –Woody Allen
  19. Don’t wait. The time will never be just right. –Napoleon Hill
  20. Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. –Vince Lombardi
  21. I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey
  22. Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. –Pablo Picasso
  23. You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus
  24. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. –Maya Angelou
  25. Either you run the day, or the day runs you. –Jim Rohn
  26. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. –Henry Ford
  27. The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. –Mark Twain
  28. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  29. The best revenge is massive success. –Frank Sinatra
  30. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing.  That’s why we recommend it daily. –Zig Ziglar
  31. Inspiration exists, but it must find you working. –Pablo Picasso
  32. If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. –Vincent Van Gogh
  33. There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. –Aristotle
  34. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. –Henry Ford
  35. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
  36. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined. –Henry David Thoreau
  37. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me. –Erma Bombeck
  38. Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.  Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?” – Brian Tracy
  39. Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. – Ancient Indian Proverb
  40. Believe you can and you’re halfway there. –Theodore Roosevelt
  41. Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. –George Addair
  42. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. –Plato
  43. Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. –Christopher Reeve
  44. Start where you are. Use what you have.  Do what you can. –Arthur Ashe
  45. When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.  When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I wrote down ‘happy’.  They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. –John Lennon
  46. Fall seven times and stand up eight. –Japanese Proverb
  47. When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. –Helen Keller
  48. Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see. –Confucious
  49. How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. –Anne Frank
  50. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. –Lao Tzu
  51. The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength not a lack of knowledge but rather a lack of will. –Vince Lombardi
  52. Happiness is not something readymade.  It comes from your own actions. –Dalai Lama
  53. The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. –Arthur C. Clarke
  54. First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end. –Aristotle
  55. If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. –Latin Proverb
  56. You can’t fall if you don’t climb.  But there’s no joy in living your whole life on the ground. –Unknown
  57. Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well. –Vincent Van Gogh
  58. Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. –Les Brown
  59. Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. –Joshua J. Marine
  60. The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. –Walt Disney
  61. I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. –Leonardo da Vinci
  62. Limitations live only in our minds.  But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless. –Jamie Paolinetti
  63. Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.  You are free. –Jim Morrison
  64. What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. –Bob Dylan
  65. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. –Benjamin Franklin
  66. In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. –Bill Cosby
  67. A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein
  68. The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. –Chinese Proverb
  69. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. –Roger Staubach
  70. It is never too late to be what you might have been. –George Eliot
  71. You become what you believe. –Oprah Winfrey
  72. I would rather die of passion than of boredom. –Vincent van Gogh
  73. A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. –Unknown
  74. It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.  –Ann Landers
  75. If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. –Abigail Van Buren
  76. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. –Farrah Gray
  77. Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. –Frank Zappa
  78. Education costs money.  But then so does ignorance. –Sir Claus Moser
  79. Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  80. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. –Confucius
  81. Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  82. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. –Dalai Lama
  83. You can’t use up creativity.  The more you use, the more you have. –Maya Angelou
  84. Dream big and dare to fail. –Norman Vaughan
  85. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. –Martin Luther King Jr.
  86. Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. –Teddy Roosevelt
  87. The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. –Alice Walker
  88. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. –Gloria Steinem
  89. It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live. –Mae Jemison
  90. You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. –Beverly Sills
  91. Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. –Eleanor Roosevelt
  92. Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. –Grandma Moses
  93. The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. –Ayn Rand
  94. When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. –Henry Ford
  95. It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. –Abraham Lincoln
  96. Change your thoughts and you change your world. –Norman Vincent Peale
  97. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. –Benjamin Franklin
  98. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn
  99. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. –Steve Jobs
  100. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. –Zig Ziglar

Quality Use of Medicines

There’s this one unit that has been giving me such a difficult time.

  • It’s disorganised, topics are all over the mulberry bush.
  • The course was squashed together into 7 weeks, instead of 12 or 13.
  • The unit coordinator doesn’t give a shit. He uses the conflicting arguments to support badly cobbled-together lectures. They include: “You as post-grads should be independent in your study.”, “Some of you guys have no background in this degree, so you’ll need to do more study.” and “I want to have your academic backgrounds so we can tailor this course to you guys.” Why aren’t you making it equally accessible for everyone considering there are no pre-requisite units for this post-grad course?

Thank goodness for drugs (used appropriately and as prescribed.): Caffeine. Ritalin. Ativan. They wake me up, help me focus, and help me not freak out.

First exam tomorrow. Oh fuckity fuck.