Derailed by Meconium

I finished that assignment 2 days and 3 hours late. I don’t know what it is. I drag my feet on an assignment, dreading how awful and gruesome it will be, but without fail, once I get into it, I’m immersed. Once I complete it, I look back and think, “That wasn’t so bad. Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.”

I do not understand these strong avoidance tendencies I have. I (and nearly every other uni student, I suspect) employ all manner of distraction to avoid study and assignments. The house needs vacuuming and mopping, the dishes should be done, I need more study food, these tweets from @TheMaleNanny are hilarious so I must read them ALL, with his tumblr, oh look his mate theguyliner has such fascinating dates, let’s read them ALL, good AND bad.

Oh. and the absolute classic method: one more episode, then I’ll start. Oh those crazy kids. Namely, me. Do you know what the assignment’s topic was? Dental anxiety. Oh, the goddamn irony.

Anyway. Now that the immediate assessments are cleared, I can catch up on notes and study, do some banking, set up appointments and get onto the car insurance people. Also, I discovered the old Toyota Corolla won’t start. I need to sell you! I should have sold it back in January, but to be fair, we were moving house and Dad demurred, saying he and Mum would need it when they came to visit. Must ask around for some jump cables.

I went for some late night cuddles. P was wearing these PJ bottoms and a sunshiney yellow t-shirt with Chewbacca in Kanye West’s Stronger sunglasses. Definitely cute. P seems to be more keen on to meet up and see me during the week, which is nice. I was so supremely content in that moment, despite the grim and bleak Christmas episode of BBC’s Call the Midwife. (Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around Miranda Hart being serious! and so posh.) In my head, ran the following exchange:

Pro side: Just say it. It’s easy. It’s a good moment. Use your words. I. Love. You.

Con side: Are you insane?! P could start thinking, “What the hell? Run away!!”

Pro side: No P won’t! You can add a little sigh at the end with a smile. It’ll be endearing. You’re already in P’s arms.

Con side: Yeah, right up until P says, “I …don’t feel the same, sorry. We should stop seeing each other.” Oh look, she’s just given birth. Popped it right out.

Pro side: What was that first poop a baby makes called? The really gross one?

Con side: Let’s ask P.

And with that, despite some minor skirmishes later, the main argument for whether or not to say the weighty ILY was derailed by meconium. (Might I suggest the more weak of heart and those eating not click the link.) Yes yes, it’s nice that our backgrounds allow for us to remain unfazed by such things, but it certainly isn’t the environment in which you want to bring forth the first I Love You.

So I settled for this. Yeah, I’m chickenshit.

The mission:

1. Say I Love You.

2. Get P to say it back.

3. Slowly change P’s attitude on having children. Or just one. We could do just one. Yes! Good strategy.

4. Oh and get my life sorted all this week as I have it off.


2 thoughts on “Derailed by Meconium

  1. Prescription from an old bag:
    1. Say ILY.
    2. Don’t mention babies unless you’re 35+.
    3. Learn my lesson NOW that took me two undergrad degrees and most of a PhD to get straight. NEVER put off doing assignments- you are just avoiding a potential failure or a possibility you might not do it perfectly [or the best you could].

    When I started my Masters in Public Health I decided to start studying properly and to attack assignments as soon as I knew the topic. Previously I was just like you, plus I had been suffering from depression for 20 years and thought I should prevent a real dive by acting positively as much as I could. So:
    1. When the topic comes out, set aside at least 2 hours at the beginning of a day when you have guaranteed time, plus schedule several of these sessions according to the due date and the difficulty of the topic/task.
    2. Those times are SACRED. Just say no to anything except earthquake fire and flood.
    3. Brainstorm the topic, jotting ideas however they occur. No system, just free floating consciousness.
    4. Get onto SCOPUS or PubMed or whatever and pick 5 to 10 of the latest reviews and top journal articles.
    5. Decide on some logical categories for points you want to make within the topic and how they should be connected- there’s usually a natural order.
    6. Get the abstracts from each article, paste them into a document and tag the abstract with the point you’ll use it for in the essay.
    7. Summarise each article in 100 words, ONLY using the sections you need. Forget the rest.
    8. Type in the structural part of the essay roughly using Intro, Background 1, 2,3. Method or organisation, what it points towards, discussion of pros & cons from evidence you’ve gathered, Conclusions.
    9. Jot into the structure which summaries will be relevant where- I call this the “wanna say” stage.
    10. Cut and paste your summaries into the structure, making real sentences.
    11. Tidy that up == First Draft.
    12. Get some feedback from others if you can.
    13. Revise and finish.
    14. Make all possible efforts to get it in ahead of schedule so you can gloat!

    I even managed to get a bit of health habit into my study routine- I took 5 minutes every half hour to do a burst on the rockclimber machine to keep the blood supply to my brain going!

    • Thank you very much for your kind reply! I appreciate the time you took to write down all your suggestions and will read them over carefully. 🙂

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